Life | Maybe There is More to Fear Than Fear Itself

By Issy Goode - 14:15

Day 19: Your fears

Often people consider that when you talk about fear, you're only referring to things like animals and heights, but there's a few more things, including the typical ones, that I'm actually afraid of. I wouldn't say I'm scared of a lot, but maybe not what's expected...

I hope this isn't the weirdest list you've ever seen, because I've personally seen a lot weirder! I can justify most of my fears, but some of them are honestly things that just make me insanely uncomfortable for no real reason and due to no actual cause. I won't elaborate on all of my fears, but if there's something I don't waffle on about that you'd like me to, do let me know!

The dark I believe is a pretty common fear. Not being able to see terrifies me, and everyone who knows me well is aware of that. I guess that also means I'm afraid of going blind, which is definitely true! I like to be aware of my surroundings and darkness is just something I don't appreciate and often feel uneasy in. It also links to my fear of 'what's behind me'. Even if it's not dark though, I'm always cautious something or someone is behind me. I often have to walk up and down stairs sideways, or constantly look over my shoulder and of course, run like something's chasing me. When I brush my teeth I have to lean against a wall or stay looking in the mirror, but not staring at myself. It's not a justifiable fear at all, but it probably links to my unease when being alone too, because I don't do these things when someone else is with me.

Death I assume is an obvious fear. I take my hat off to those who don't fear death, I wish I was one of you. I'm scared of the fact that one minute I can be here and the next I cease to exist. It freaks me out that I can be sat here thinking and tapping away at this key board, yet sometime in the future I won't even be alive to think. What comes after death scares me, and I could ponder forever about what could possibly happen after death, but I try not to. I try to focus more on the joys of being alive to push aside my fear of the end. I'm not afraid of flying from experience. So I can't justify this fear, but I just know I'll be afraid of it. I hate roller coasters and the feeling of pressure on my chest, even light pressure. I don't like the thought of being thousands of miles up in the air, floating along with strangers and people I'm told to trust. If I didn't have such a desire to explore the world, I'd never get on a plane. 

The sea is probably a weird fear considering I'm from Cornwall, but it's the depth and breadth that I fear. It's similar to my fear of darkness, because what's out there is unknown to me. I don't like not being able to feel or see the bottom of the sea, which has definitely meant I haven't made the most of living in Cornwall. I don't swim very far out and I get that twitch of panic when seaweed brushes my leg, or when I can't tap my toe on the sea bed. But it's definitely something I've improved on over the years.

The fear you're likely to have been drawn to is probably velvet, because many find it weird. I suppose some wouldn't describe it as a fear, but I do because the feeling I get when I'm far out at sea is the same one I get when I touch velvet and I recognise how strange it is. I can't tell you why, and I can't even remember if it's always been something I've been scared of, but the older I've got the more uncomfortable I've become with the fabric.

The supernatural and spirits in particular are a big fear of mine and contribute to my fear of darkness. I have quite a spiritual family and when I was growing up spiritual beliefs were encouraged, but certainly not forced upon us. I think it's the fact that my family believe in all of this that I fear it so much, because I've grown up believing it all exists too. And watching horror films doesn't help at all, because what others view as hilarious or a little bit jumpy, often seems possible to me. 

Torches are probably a weird thing to say I'm afraid of, especially as I fear the dark. But they actually heighten my fear of the dark, so don't worry it's not the torch I'm directly afraid of! Whilst it scares me not being able to see, it scares me more so to only be able to light up small areas of darkness. When I was younger I used to walk my dog in the evenings whilst my mum was on night shifts, we lived in a really spooky area and whenever I took a torch out I was so much more terrified than if I had gone out with only the moon as a light. It's not a very logical fear to have...

I've mentioned in the past that I'm a dog person, and I've also had many dogs as pets and grown up around them my whole life, so I should probably clear up how it's possible for me to be afraid of them. I noted in a previous post that I was bitten by my own dog in the face, not intentionally though so I still loved my gorgeous doggy. But since it happened dogs make me quite uneasy. I don't tend to show it because I don't want the dog to be uneasy too, but around dogs, especially ones I'm not used to I panic quite a bit, I just hide my discomfort. It's easy when I realise they're friendly, but I don't tend to stroke strangers dogs like I used to, no matter how cute and friendly they look. 

So, now that you've found out that by sticking me on a pitch black plane, with a dog, a ghost and velvet seat covers you'll scare the living shit out of me, feel free to share your fears too! I just want to note that I'm not absolutely terrified of all these things, that just insight fear in me, which I think sometimes is a good thing! Being afraid of things means you have more opportunity to push your boundaries. 

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  1. I'll make sure I protect you from the dark in Thailand! ;) xxx

  2. I have a fear of planes, the sea, dark woods, cows, large groups of people, death, strangers dogs, big spiders or small if they're black but I can pick up a grey one! Wasps are a huge phobia of mine..hang on how long have you got!? Xxx

    1. Haha I don't think all the days in the week would be enough time for all of your fears ;) xxx

  3. Thank god I'm not afraid of velvet since I love how it looks! Fear of death is almost like a paranoia but sometimes I overthink about it... Like, I wonder when and how I'll die... And also where and why. Specialy when I can't sleep, these thoughts haunt me. I can't enjoy life at its fullest because I know it will stop and that it's only a matter of time... but that's another reason for me to live it passionately... because it will end. Dark thoughts aside, my biggest fear (it's actually a phobia): cockroaches! I'd lock myself in my bedroom if I knew there was a cockroach outside. I would urinate in my own bedroom and all. I just can't deal with it, it's horrible.

    1. I love how it looks too, it's gorgeous and I really wish I could wear it but I just freak out when I touch it haha! Yeah it is definitely a paranoia, I wonder that too but try not to let the thought of it overcome me. It is a hard thing to think about, when you know death is inevitable. Ahh really! I'd probably be terrified of them if I saw one!


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